Damn those gender lines!

For the first time in her 5 short years, Bear started talking about "boy" colors and "girl" colors.  Then "boy" toys and "girl" toys.  My heart broke a little.  Actually, a lot.  We have tried so so so hard to raise her in a world where colors don't matter, she can do anything she wants, be anything she wants and not let anyone or anything make those choices for her.  For the longest time her favorite color was blue.  Try finding all blue clothes for girls in a regular store!!  Handydan and I have gone out of our way to make sure she has plenty of gender neutral (ironically, most in stereotypical "boy" colors) toys with her dolls.  We own literally close to one hundred Thomas the train engines and cars.  Even more Matchbox cars between her collection and Handydan's.  She plays with her wall-mounted race car track more than she does with her princess dolls.  Her first dress up clothes were construction workers.  She has princess dresses now too, but often wears them with a hard hat.   It was only a month or so ago that she really noticed that Mini-D has a penis.  We don't treat them differently or give them different gender based options so why should she notice except for the pure physical difference?  But it seems that this might be coming to an end.  So what has changed?


The one massive change in her life is school.  I MUST preface this all by clearly stating I do NOT in any way think any of her teachers or classroom assistants bear any responsibility in encouraging gender stereotyping.  Just the opposite, actually!   Last year, she was in preschool and we had just one incident.  The kids were learning about occupations and when it was Bear's turn to share, she told the class that she wanted to be both a mommy and a worker.  My heart overflowed.  Until that moment when another girl told her she couldn't be both a mommy and a worker.  WHAT?!?  Age 4 people.  The world should be her oyster and if she wants to be a dinosaur-puppy-doctor-mommy-worker-astronaut-swim instructor we need to encourage it.  With kindergarten this year she comes home every day with new questions about the world, stories (both true and make believe) about her life, characters in stories, her teacher and other classmates.  And now much more clearly defined gender roles it seems.  Even looking in the Sears Wishbook for Christmas present ideas, she would skip whole sections because they were "boys toys".  Like...Lego.  Not Friends Lego, just regular primary coloured Lego.


What does this all mean for us?  A lot of careful planning, love and boundary breaking.  She will still be a dinosaur for Halloween, even though I had to buys the costume from the boys section.  And a dinosaur birthday party next year, where I will throw out all the packaging that shows boys only playing the games.  Noah will play with the few pink coloured toys we have (mostly bought to support breast cancer rather than for their color), with dolls and we will encourage him to be his best self rather than pushing him towards male stereotypical roles.  In my heart of hearts, I hope that nothing has to change.  But it seems that outside influences are playing a strong role in my precious daugther's life now.  I want to shelter her but I see that as a hindrance in the long run.  For now, we will educate her on equality and fairness, being strong and true to herself.  Only time will tell how she stands up to the world around her...and we will cheer her on, whatever she chooses.