Damn those gender lines!

For the first time in her 5 short years, Bear started talking about "boy" colors and "girl" colors.  Then "boy" toys and "girl" toys.  My heart broke a little.  Actually, a lot.  We have tried so so so hard to raise her in a world where colors don't matter, she can do anything she wants, be anything she wants and not let anyone or anything make those choices for her.  For the longest time her favorite color was blue.  Try finding all blue clothes for girls in a regular store!!  Handydan and I have gone out of our way to make sure she has plenty of gender neutral (ironically, most in stereotypical "boy" colors) toys with her dolls.  We own literally close to one hundred Thomas the train engines and cars.  Even more Matchbox cars between her collection and Handydan's.  She plays with her wall-mounted race car track more than she does with her princess dolls.  Her first dress up clothes were construction workers.  She has princess dresses now too, but often wears them with a hard hat.   It was only a month or so ago that she really noticed that Mini-D has a penis.  We don't treat them differently or give them different gender based options so why should she notice except for the pure physical difference?  But it seems that this might be coming to an end.  So what has changed?


The one massive change in her life is school.  I MUST preface this all by clearly stating I do NOT in any way think any of her teachers or classroom assistants bear any responsibility in encouraging gender stereotyping.  Just the opposite, actually!   Last year, she was in preschool and we had just one incident.  The kids were learning about occupations and when it was Bear's turn to share, she told the class that she wanted to be both a mommy and a worker.  My heart overflowed.  Until that moment when another girl told her she couldn't be both a mommy and a worker.  WHAT?!?  Age 4 people.  The world should be her oyster and if she wants to be a dinosaur-puppy-doctor-mommy-worker-astronaut-swim instructor we need to encourage it.  With kindergarten this year she comes home every day with new questions about the world, stories (both true and make believe) about her life, characters in stories, her teacher and other classmates.  And now much more clearly defined gender roles it seems.  Even looking in the Sears Wishbook for Christmas present ideas, she would skip whole sections because they were "boys toys".  Like...Lego.  Not Friends Lego, just regular primary coloured Lego.


What does this all mean for us?  A lot of careful planning, love and boundary breaking.  She will still be a dinosaur for Halloween, even though I had to buys the costume from the boys section.  And a dinosaur birthday party next year, where I will throw out all the packaging that shows boys only playing the games.  Noah will play with the few pink coloured toys we have (mostly bought to support breast cancer rather than for their color), with dolls and we will encourage him to be his best self rather than pushing him towards male stereotypical roles.  In my heart of hearts, I hope that nothing has to change.  But it seems that outside influences are playing a strong role in my precious daugther's life now.  I want to shelter her but I see that as a hindrance in the long run.  For now, we will educate her on equality and fairness, being strong and true to herself.  Only time will tell how she stands up to the world around her...and we will cheer her on, whatever she chooses.

Bowing out gracefully or failing miserably?

Needless to say, I have had to abort the Summer Blog Challenge.  With the start of our first school year, my new business and just simply life with two small kids my blogging is sporadic at best. I wish you could see my "draft" list...so much potential but so little time.  I HAVE really enjoyed getting back to writing, so I will continue but on my schedule (which really is my kids' schedule).  And I need to learn how to make time for me and my hobbies.  I will be back next year with new ideas and move some of my drafts into the "published" list.  Until then, check out how the rest of the SBC crew is doing with their blogging!

This post is a part of the Summer Blog Challenge 2013. You can check out the full list of participants HERE, and comment on Liam’s blog to join us! Meanwhile, check out what Liam,Natasha, Zita, Hethr, April, and others are up to!

SBC Day 12: Let her soar on wings like an eagle!

Today my baby bird stood on the edge of her nest and jumped off.  She didn't stumble, she didn't falter.  She took off soaring.  Just like her mama, she loves school and cannot wait to get back.  May she always have such a love for learning!

This post is a part of the Summer Blog Challenge 2013. You can check out the full list of participants HERE, and comment on Liam’s blog to join us! Meanwhile, check out what Liam,Natasha, Zita, Hethr, April, and others are up to!

SBC Day 11: T'was the night before Kindergarten...

Twas the night before kindergarten and as they prepared,
kids were excited and a little bit scared.
They tossed and they turned about in their beds,
while visions of school supplies danced in their heads.
Erasers and crayons and pencils galore
were stuffed in their backpacks and set by the door.
Outfits were hung in closets with care,
knowing that kindergarten soon would be there.
In the morning it came, school starts today!
Would the teacher be nice? Would they still get to play?
Faces were washed, and teeth were brushed white;
Kids posed for pictures with eyes sparkling bright.

Parents packed snacks and kids hopped in cars
As if they were boarding a spaceship to Mars.
Some kids brought blankets or their favorite stuffed bear;
in hopes they could nap like they did in day care.
Their parents exclaimed: "You're big kids. WOW!
Let us hold your bears and blankies for now."
The parents were worried their children would cry
if they left them at school with just a good-bye.
So they told their darlings, "If you want, we can stay
and make sure that everything will be A-okay."

The teacher then greeted each one with a smile,
and invited the students to stay for a while.
The room was all filled with toys, books, and maps,
but where were the beds for midmorning naps?
They colored and painted and played Simon Says,
then tumbled and skipped and stood on their heads.
They sang silly songs from beginning to end.
Within just a minute, each kid had a friend.
The children were happy. They loved Mrs Roux
It was she who would show them a great deal of care.

When what to her wondering eyes should appear
but sad moms and dads who were holding back tears!
Their noses so sniffly! Their eyes red and wet!
This was the saddest good-bye Miss Clare had seen yet!
She gathered the grown-ups on the magical rug,
then sent them away after one final hug.
The children all waved from the door of the school.
"Don't cry Mom and Dad; kindergarten is cool!"

~author unknown 

PLEASE LET THIS BE TRUE.  PLEASE LET THIS BE TRUE.  PLEASE LET THIS BE TRUE.  PLEASE LET THIS BE TRUE. PLEASE LET THIS BE TRUE.  PLEASE LET THIS BE TRUE. PLEASE LET THIS BE TRUE.  PLEASE LET THIS BE TRUE. PLEASE LET THIS BE TRUE.  PLEASE LET THIS BE TRUE. PLEASE LET THIS BE TRUE.  PLEASE LET THIS BE TRUE. PLEASE LET THIS BE TRUE. PLEASE LET THIS BE TRUE.  PLEASE LET THIS BE TRUE.  PLEASE LET THIS BE TRUE.  PLEASE LET THIS BE TRUE.  PLEASE LET THIS BE TRUE.  PLEASE LET THIS BE TRUE.

SBC Day 10: Lost: my marbles

Today's post is brought to you by my ingenious 5 year old.  Technically, she composed this and I was just lucky enough to put it in writing for future giggles.  So, introducing my first guest blogger: MBear.

Me: "Maren, please stop.  I'm going to lose it."

MBear: "Lose what?" 

Me: "My marbles." 

MBear: "Where do you keep your marbles?" 

Me: "In my head."

MBear: "Can I see the ones you have left?"